I'm obsessed with highlighters but Shweta Salve takes that love to a level where you question her present state of mind. You know when you look at pics of startlets at award ceremonies or in magazine shots and they have glowing bronze skin and sigh in envy. Well, Shweta Salva just made me sigh in sheer disbelief over the oil she was repeatedly drowned in for her Maxim photoshoot.


I saw this pic on rediff and they had captioned this picture with "Shweta Salve hots up bikini shoot." Now I'm not completely sure who she is but I have to commend her on her dedication to not only hot up the photoshoot, but douse herself in what appears to be three barrels of olive oil to really attract flames. It's like she's asking me to light her fire... literally.

The difference between highlighting the body done right and this pyromaniac-dream-come-true pic is the difference between having your glow be legendary a la JLo and Shweta Salve in this photoshoot.

When shimmer on the body is done right, it gives a soft, sensuous glow to the skin. This version of exploiting India's otherwise perfect for cooking oil to add shine her skin makes Shweta seem like my grandaunts. Their beauty rituals consisted of massaging themselves in oil from head to toe, walk around for four to five hours without touching the furniture or walls lest the oil transfer, and finally (mercifully for the rest of us) wash off the oil with a herbal mix that they claimed was the secret to their beauty. The only difference is that while my grandaunts eventually looked clean and refreshed, this oily highlighting endeavour makes me want to gift her a nice, fragrant soap.

image source: www.rediff.com

With all the amazing support I'm getting from all of you, I feel like I've lost my fangs, claws, and venom. It was high time for me to unleash my honed eagle-eye that can spot erratic eyeliner abuse, paler-than-a-corpse-lips, and ghastly brassy hair. Fear not, for I turn human and semi-nice right afterwards. So without further ado, here's our lowlight for this session.


I am not sure who exactly this woman is, other than that her name is Parmeshwar Godrej, she's very wealthy, and she attended the Balaji TV awards that were held on Feb 2nd . If I were as wealthy as she is rumoured to be, I would spend my time trying to look my best and, most importantly, find a stylist who wasn't trying to make me channel Donatella Versace. With all due respect to the latter, I think she's proven that the human-leather-handbag-look is a combination of the following: a. unattractive, b. (horrendously) frightening, c. emulating the look of a pair of well-worn faux croc pleather shoes I saw once. Whatever combination you come up with, it's not a good one I am sure.

Coming back to our Desi-Donatella (I think it's a catchy nickname don't you think), where do we start with the obvious flaws? Is it the overly drawn-on eyebrows, the ill-fitting gold blouse that makes her otherwise flattering hair colour seem brassy, or the bronzer that was applied in the dark by a aging and legally blind make-up artist? Again, I challenge you to come up with a flattering combination because I can't come up with one.

On an objective note, this woman could look elegant if her look were tailored to bringing out the best of her face and not obscuring it. She seems to have great eyes, lips and general bone structure. The only thing she doesn't seem to have is a stylist with a working lamp so he or she can see what they're doing

I was browsing the web/complaining to vampires that my sleeping schedule was out of whack when I saw the following pic of Miss India Sara Jane Dias at the inauguration of Richfeel Hair and Scalp Clinic in Banglore on Sept 25, 2007.

In the past, I have been vocal (I feel I did manage to restrain myself) about bad make-up and I realized I have praised good make-up only once. Once. Let me clarify that I am not a bitter woman who is cursing the celebs behind the computer because I want to secretly be them. I am content to merely live vicariously through them, but I can only do that if I agree with their make-up habits. So I decided to reward some much needed praise to Sara Jane Dias and the great job her make-up artist did.

Apart from the fact that I absolutely love the vibrant colours and patterns on her salwar that compliment her skin like bullying mothers-in-law do a desi soap-opera, Sara's make-up is understated but I don't think it's boring at all. On the contrary, the look is sophisticated, sexy, young, and feminine.

I know many follow the rule of picking one feature and enhancing it while downplaying the rest of the fact, but since everything is understated and nothing is overly emphasized, everything is emphasized. The make-up enhances her contacts (I swear I'm not being snarky, they truly do make the contacts look better), her blush gives her a healthy glow without overwhelming her face, and her lipgloss ties everything together subtly. In fact, her entire look has me opening up sephora's web page and try and locate a similar colours.

On a side note, her eyeshadow looks exactly like what Bobbi Brown's long wear cream shadow in Sand Castle looks like on my lids. What do you ladies think?

image source: www.indiatimes.com

I know you very sweet (I’m being genuine here, when I stat talking about the pic my fangs will be on display) ladies have disagreed with me in the past over my choice of lowlights. However, for the sake of fashion and deskank-ification, I need you full moral support. Agreed, this blog concentrates on beauty and make-up issues but that thing, that poor cloth, that Malaika Arora has draped over her is calling to me. I can hear the collective wails of ever single fiber that constitutes the cloth as they perish. This pic was taken at the Blueberry mobile event on July 25, 2007. This is a bad pic but rest assured it is indeed her. I wanted you to see what she was wearing, let's try not to laugh here, in its entirity.

I read a book once where a witch made a tapestry out of the souls of her victims. The grapevine tells me Malaika did the something along the same lines. I believe Malaika went through a perilous journey, first by killing every brain cell that told her not to wear this ever (not to this event, not anywhere); then trap a hundred souls into a bottle; travel though an enchanted forest where animals miraculously could talk and told her to not go to the witch and just wear a damn gown instead; knock on the gnarly old witch’s door and offer a blood sacrifice (the sacrifice was really just three thumb pricks with a tiny needle on her pinky finger but would you have been impressed if I told you that?); and then finally exchange the bottle of souls in the dead of the night for the tunic.


I can’t be very sure what happened to the souls Malaika gave the witch (the grapevine tells me, and again this is just a rumour, that a great number of people in Bollywood are veritable zombies without their souls and are making movies where a man adopts a boy; kicks him out for marrying the wrong girl; boy and wife go to England and have a baby; kid sings the Indian national anthem thereby making the mother scream in a high-pitched emotional note; we have senseless side characters -oops, it’s been done already in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. Never mind, carry on.) but I do know that Malaika should have spared herself the effort. I hate to think of the brain cells that had to die for this.

I will never know what possessed her to wear this horrible contraption, but I will take even more offense at Indiatimes captioning the picture with “Malaika – The Show Stopper.” Do they not realize we’ll end up seeing more such cloth-turned-tunic incidences? Do they not care about how many more souls Bollywood is going to loose because of them? All I’m saying is, don’t blame me when Malaika comes after your souls next when she’s done with all of Bollywood.

image course: http://www.indiatimes.com/

Before Is start my ranting, let me start off by saying nice things about Soha Ali Khan. I think she has great natural beauty, that even though her features might be less than perfect individually they come together to make a very pretty face. I would even go as far as to say her face has a very elegant quality. So after this confession I'm a bit confused. Why on earth does she not want to play up her face at the Harry Potter premiere?


I'm all for natural and no make-up. I even do this very often. But when you're going to a premiere, would it kill her to not look like she just rolled out of bed, pulled her hair back in a ponytail, brushed her teeth with the last remaining spot of toothpaste (I'm sure she had breath mints handy), put on the first black thing she could find in her closet and rushed to the premiere.

Now while I'm sure this is not true, I feel the urge to tell her that this is what it looks like. She might not like premieres and such, and I can understand that (not really though, the woman has a chance to get as dressed up as possible and chooses to look like, well you real my description), but at least try to make it seem like you put in minimal effort.

I truly feel like she has a great face and look so good with a lot of different looks. I also feel like taking her out shopping so I can forcibly get her to buy some blush to add a pop of colour and make her look more fresh. And I feel like doing her hair, getting her some accessories (say it slowly, Soha, "ac-ces-so-ries"), and adding some gloss to her lips. You know what, I'd settle for anything at this point. It's a premiere not a slumber party.

image source: www.santabanta.com

Let me start of by saying this: I know it must be hard to walk down the street and not have the same fame as the other Miss Indias. I imagine it must be highly irritating to stand in line at the grocery store, tap your high-heeled shows impatiently, and huff as no one seems to recognize you, let you go straight to the register, much less exclaim "Oh my gawd! Like, oh my gawd! You're like, oh my gawd! You're like Yukta Mookhey right? The one who's like totally more famous than, like, Aishwarya Rai and Priyanka Chopra, and like, even um-all the other Miss Indias."

I also understand Harry Potter mania. It's a sad truth that I pre-ordered a copy of the seventh book as soon as this option was available. What is don't understand it Yukta Mookhey's choice of make-up at the premiere of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.



I have to admit, her skin looks great in this picture. However, the make-up does nothing to compliment her strong features or eyebrows. Her eyebrows are strong and quite naturally bring focus to her eyes. I understand if you want strong, smokey eyes and strong lips, but with her strong eyebrows the look is just too loud. I am not a huge fan of too many rules, but there's that feeling you get, I personally gasp for breath when this happens, when the look is too strong and starts detracting from a person's beauty.

A softer, more neutral shade of lipstick or gloss would have made this look lean towards sophisticated and sexy. A soft, warm blush that is applied with a featherlight touch would have also done wonders to compliment her eyes. I'll freely admit her make-up isn't in the Leage of Extraordinarily Bad Make-up (my own clever spoof of LXG), but it could look so, so much better.

So you see dear Yukta, it is possible to wear bold make-up with strong eyebrows and attent a Harry Potter premiere. At the same time.

image taken from: www.santabanta.com

First off let me sat I have nothing against Celina Jaitley. She probably rescues kittens that have climbed too high up on trees right after she single-handedly replants forests and restores ecosystems to their forgotten glory. However, she is a repeat offender not only to good make-up but also to good taste. That is why I am nominating her for the "Lowlight of the Decade" award. Take a good look at the following picture.

How do you feel? Do you need to sit down, allow your soul to reenter you body because it was sucked out by the coloured contacts Celina wears to heighten her pulchritude? I felt just as empty when I looked at this picture of her for the first time. While you recover, let me rant about her make-up for just one tiny minute.

When did the make-up artist who is employed Dracula's drag-queen vampire nephew also become Celina's make-up artist? That is the only way to explain caked on the foundation that is twenty to thirty shades lighter than the rest of her body, and, rumour has it, is also seven shades lighter than the foundation Dracula's nephew wears.

Celina's face is also heavily contoured (just look at the stripes of darker colour placed on the sides of her nose without blending) and is suffering from the reverse raccoon effect. What do I mean by that? Her bronzer is so dark/obvious/unblended that it makes her under-eyes look extra pale.

How on earth could Celina's make-up artist let her leave her house looking like this? Sometimes I wonder if I should pretend to be an obsessive fan, tranquillize her, and then redo her make-up. Or do you think Dracula's nephew's make-up artist is also a vampire and would bite me? Either way I think the risk is worth it.

image taken from: http://www.celinajaitley.org

Before I post the tutorial on how to thread tonight I thought I would interrupt my absence with this rant. Before I start being critical about coloured lenses, let me just say that they look great on most ladies. It's a different look that I can appreciate. However, Celina Jaitley is in my bad make-up books because of her use of coloured contacts. Take the following picture in as an example.


This was at a recent PETA photo shoot. What bugs me about her or her make-up you ask? Well, she always seems to immerse herself in make-up to the point that she doesn't even look remotely natural. Her blue contacts make her pupils look "off" as the left contact has shifted a bit and doesn't show the black of her real pupil but the brown of her natural eyes. I don't really care whether an actress wears coloured contacts and states that her eye colour is the colour of the contacts. It doesn't keep me up at night. What does keep me up at night is the obviously plastered make-up and the plastic-y feel that results from Celina's blue contacts.

This is one woman who would benefit greatly from a make-under. I don't think I remember seeing one, just one, picture of her where her she doesn't have her blue contacts in and her face is plastered with heavy make-up. She looks like a doll, and not the doll I wish I looked like when I was a four-year-old. She looks like the doll I saw in a nightmare once, where the plastic her face was made of melted slowly to form pools of skin-coloured puddles. Yes, that horrific. The coloured contacts seem to make her eyes completely devoid of life and emotion and the mask-like make-up really seems to be stopping her natural looks to shine through. So yes, I say "Boo!" to her stylist. And that's the best bullying I can do.

Mallika's Mishaps - Yes, I'm just that lame to find a title like this



I don't know whether this is a Lowlight, a make-up pet peeve, or just something that goes against everything I believe. Am I being dramatic? I don't think so. Take a look and tell me what you see. She's got a pretty face but her foundation is doing her no favours. If she comes out with a statement that she just "put on some gloss and some kaajal" and went to a press conference we'll know she's lying. It looks like a mask that is a couple of shades too light with the wrong undertones to boot. Then comes, I am feeling very faint form the impact here, the darkly lined lips with a different, lighter shade of lipstick and lip gloss. I don't really know what she's trying to accomplish here. Is she trying to tell us something about her mouth? Is the dark ring of lip line some code that I don't know about? Is it some kind of Bollywood insider secret? I don't know, but if you do please let me know. There has to be a logical explanation for this.

image taken from: www.santabanta.com

I confess, I'm a huge fan of getting inspiration from celebrity looks and try to make the look my own. Granted, I might know little to absolutely nothing, and by this I mean the great empty abyss that is my knolesge of desi celebs, but I would like to highlight some great make-up and cast the dreaded horror of the lowlight to some not so succesful looks.

Lowlight: Kareena Kapoor

I can hear the protests already that this is a natural picture of her where she's wearing natural make-up. I am all for natural, all for it. I won't forcibly have two bulky, overly muscular men who have made a notorious career of full-contact boxing but secretly write poetry about their feelings when they crush their opponents spleen hold you down so that I can blend seven colours of eyeshadow (this includes brow highligt) on your virgin eyelids. I promise. However, when you try to look natural, try blending the lipliner. In fact, whoever thought that unblended lipliner that provides a clear demarcation of the lips and never bothered to blend it with lipstick should be held down by the poetry-writing streoid-injecting boxers. And as for the hair, the braassiness does her no favours either. I am fairly certain such brassiness is not found naturally in nature either. So in short Kareena Kapoor has given enough reason to be our Lowlight.

Highlight: Preity Zinta

See this is how you do natural make-up. Granted her eyes are heavier than Kareena's but it's not over the top and you can even tone it down if you want to. The make-up is so pretty that the roots fade away. I'm actually kind of laid back about things like rootss but i believe if you're going for a look, do it well. And this look is done so well it has me hoping I can find similar lipstick for my complection. See? There was no need for me to threaten her with the infamous boxers. And did i mention i loved the cheeks?? So pretty and glowy!